


This Love is a Permanent Memory

by GeekLover



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-27 07:11:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15019388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekLover/pseuds/GeekLover
Summary: A  love spell gone awry leaves Merlin with the question of is it better that Arthur remembers everything or forgets? The answer may not be up to Merlin.





	This Love is a Permanent Memory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wyvern](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvern/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Spell Me The Truth Of How You Feel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/910603) by [wyvern](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvern/pseuds/wyvern). 



> Thank you to the mods for their endless reserves of patience!
> 
> To wyvern, I really loved getting to go through your stories reading new ones and rediscovering stories that I'd previously read and liked. I decided to tackle this story because the idea of expanding on the ending really appealed to me. I hope you like the twists and turns I've added here - or at least don't hate the direction I went in.
> 
> This is canon divergent so some things are a bit different like Lancelot is alive in this Camelot and the events of ep 3.09 didn't happen.

Arthur’s first thoughts when he woke up in morning weren’t very unusual. After wiping the sleep from his eyes, his first thoughts were of a certain blue-eyed, big-eared, unbelievably obstinate servant of his. His dreams would come back to him, dreams that for many months centered around Merlin. Dreams where Arthur kissed Merlin whenever he wanted...and wherever he wanted. He used his fingers and his mouth to map every inch of Merlin’s skin. 

In Arthur’s dreams, Merlin was vocal. Well, in reality, Merlin was very vocal. Usually, he would use his words to tell Arthur would a huge prat he was and other more colorful terms like clotpole. But the words “clotpole” and “prat” weren’t what Merlin shouted out in pleasure in his dreams. Merlin would call Arthur’s name over and over again. The sounds of Merlin’s pleasured moans would follow Arthur into his waking consciousness and it was heavenly.

But the best part of Arthur’s dreams was he could just be with Merlin and tell Merlin how he really felt. There’s no worrying about obligations to Camelot and the future and responsibilities. There’s no worrying about what people will think. All that mattered was being with Merlin and showing him how much he cared. It was lovely.

And it was torture.

It was torture because after savoring the dream for a few seconds, reality would always come crashing back down on him. His obligations and responsibilities took center stage in his mind and there was no escaping them. His beautiful dream would never become a reality. 

But on this morning after the usual bliss of recalling his dreams, something unusual did happen. Reality never seemed to set in. Despite everything that stood in their way, for once, Arthur didn’t care. He wanted Merlin and, by God, he was going to have him no matter what. So, for the first time in Arthur didn’t know how long, Arthur dressed and went searching for Merlin. 

When Arthur found Merlin and they locked eyes on each other, a powerful feeling of lust swept over him. He couldn’t deny what he was feeling and he didn’t want to. He had to show Merlin how he felt so without waiting for permission he dragged Merlin into a dark corner and snogged the living daylights out of him. It felt glorious - better than any dream. He had to have more, so even when Merlin made excuses about laundry to be done -and since when was Merlin so adamant about doing his chores - Arthur followed him.

Arthur was so swept up his own feelings, he didn’t stop to consider that perhaps Merlin didn’t want him. When the thought finally came to him, it stopped Arthur cold. As much as he wanted Merlin - needed him desperately - he didn’t want to force himself on Merlin. Deciding to test the waters, Arthur reached out and stroked one finger slowly down the nape of Merlin’s neck. When Arthur felt Merlin’s shiver any fears Arthur had were cast aside.

For the next day and a half, Arthur lived life on a level of bliss he hadn’t realized was possible. Every stolen kiss with Merlin breathed new life into him and Arthur didn’t know how he had lived without the taste of Merlin’s soft, perfect lips as they molded into his as if they were made for each other. The sounds Merlin made were as rapturous as the ones in Arthur’s dreams. Merlin’s deep voice got breathier and breathier every time Arthur even laid the faintest touch on him. It made Arthur’s cock stiffen in his breeches and Arthur had to be stopped several times from taking Merlin in public. 

Ultimately, Arthur’s glad that Merlin had the presence of mind to wait because the wait absolutely ended up being worth it. At the end of their second day being together and touching and kissing as much as they wanted, Arthur arrived at his chambers and barely had time to take two steps inside when he was greeted with Merlin’s skinny - but somehow powerful - body as it barrelled into him and pressed against him. It was a happy surprise and Arthur took full advantage. They made love that night and Arthur felt like he could die happy as he came inside Merlin. It was a feeling Arthur never wanted to go away.

The next morning, Arthur’s first thoughts again were of Merlin. But instead of a fantasy, the only thing Arthur dreamed about was the reality of the previous night’s lovemaking. Arthur was eager to reenact the night’s fun activities but when he rolled over, Merlin was nowhere to be found. It did put a slight damper on Arthur’s mood, but he quickly dressed again and went out to find Merlin.

When he found Merlin in his own room, Arthur smiled. He was about to say something suggestive when he heard the slight sound of sniffling. “Merlin?”

Merlin straightened up in bed and wiped his nose on his sleeve. He could barely look Arthur in the eye. “Yes, sire?”

“I--” Arthur paused. “Why are you crying?”

“No reason, sire.”

Arthur shook his head and smiled. Merlin was acting so odd, but Arthur somehow found it endearing. “Merlin, stop calling me sire. I wanted to ask you if you’re up for round two? You were gone when I woke up.”

Merlin just blinked at him. His eyes searched Arthur’s face and after looking at Arthur’s beaming face for a few seconds, Merlin did something that Arthur did not expect. He threw his head back with a loud sob. “It didn’t work,” Merlin mumbled.

Confused, Arthur cocked his head to the side. “What?”

After slowly lowering his head, Merlin shook it. “Nothing.” Merlin got out of bed and started fussing with his threadbare sheets. 

“What are you doing?”

Merlin shot him a quizzical look. “I’m making the bed.”

“Why?”

“It’s generally what you do in the morning.” Merlin’s mouth twisted in a small grin. “Well, it’s not something you’ve ever done. You have people for that. Namely, me.”

Looking at the impish grin on Merlin’s face, Arthur wasn’t sure whether he wanted to smack lightly upside the head or kiss the grin off his face. Quickly, he decided he’d rather do the latter. Arthur sauntered closer to Merlin. “I know how to make a bed. I could do it if I wanted to.”

Merlin threw his head back and laughed. “You have many talents, sire, but manual labor is not one of them.”

Arthur was finally close enough to press himself flush against Merlin’s backside and he smiled in triumph when he felt Merlin shudder against him. “As usual, _Mer_ lin, you’re dead wrong and I would show you how wrong you are except I have more fun ideas in mind for that bed.” He put his arms around Merlin’s waist and squeezed. 

“What did you have in mind?” Merlin asked as he leaned back against Arthur. 

“Well, last night was fun but I think we need lots and lots more practice to get it exactly right.” Arthur’s tongue flicked out against the lobe of Merlin’s ear. “You know me, Merlin. I am a perfectionist.” He sucked the lobe into his mouth.

After he let out a short moan, Merlin suddenly jerked forward, out of Arthur’s grasp. If it weren’t for Arthur’s excellent balance he would have fallen face first on to the bed. “We-we...probably shouldn’t do that,” Merlin said as he backed away from Arthur.

Not deterred, Arthur stalked toward Merlin and reached out and gripped Merlin’s hand. “And why not?”

After a bit of a struggle, Merlin removed his hand from Arthur’s grip and stumbled around to the other side of the bed. “Just, I’m sure you have more important things to do this morning.”

A wicked grin spread over Arthur’s face. “The only important thing I have to do this morning is you.”

Merlin closed his eyes and groaned. 

Taking advantage of Merlin’s lack of attention, Arthur crossed to where Merlin stood and placed his hand gently against Merlin’s cheek. Merlin’s eyes flew open and his blue eyes gazed into Arthur’s. He leaned into Arthur’s touch.

“It was good last night, wasn’t it?” When Merlin hesitated, Arthur started to worry and asked again with less confidence. “It was good, right?”

Merlin sighed. “Of course it was, Arthur.”

Arthur let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and smiled. He liked it when Merlin said his name. He preferred it when Merlin was moaning it and he was about to make another attempt to steer Merlin onto the bed when Merlin took a step back.

“But...I don’t think it should happen again.” Merlin bit his lip and he shifted from foot to foot.

“Why would you say that?”

“I...I don’t know. I just don’t think we should.” Merlin couldn’t look him in the eye and he looked so conflicted.

It reminded Arthur of the look on his face last night after they’d made love. When he thought back on that night, it did occur to him that Merlin had been acting a bit out of sorts the whole time. Arthur was on such a blissful high he’d ignored it, even when Merlin had given him the vial of liquid to take. Arthur didn’t know why Merlin had given it to him, but since it seemed important to Merlin, Arthur didn’t question it too closely. But now he started to wonder what was happening. Why did Merlin give him that to drink? Why did he seem like he’d lost something vital after he’d done it? Why had he been crying when Arthur entered his room this morning. What did he mean “it didn’t work?” Clearly, something was wrong. 

Arthur sat down on Merlin’s bed and peered up at him. He briefly noted that this was the first time he had ever sat on Merlin’s bed before. Arthur quickly puts that thought aside and reached for Merlin’s hand. “What’s going on, Merlin? Please talk to me. You can tell me anything.”

Merlin let out a loud groan and walked away from Arthur. He paced in front of the bed. “That’s not true.”

Arthur stood up and walked around the bed to stand in front of Merlin and cut off his pacing. “It is. Of course, it is. Why would you say that especially after what we shared last night?”

Merlin sighed and put his head in his hands. After taking a deep breath, his hands slowly slid down his face. He briefly flicked his eyes toward Arthur before lowering his gaze to the floor. “What happened last night...it was a mistake.”

Arthur felt like he’d taken a sword to the gut. Actually, it felt worse than being stabbed. He gaped at Merlin and tried to comprehend why he was saying this. “Merlin, it wasn’t a mistake. You just agreed that it was good.” Arthur shook his head. “It was more than good. I was only teasing before, it was perfect.”

There were tears starting to form in Merlin’s eyes and he pressed the palms of his hands against them. He turned his back on Arthur. “Of course it was good. I’ve wanted to be with you like that for a long time and I guess you wanted to be with me, too and now...

“Now, what?” Arthur whispered.

Merlin audibly swallowed. “Now we can both move on.”

Arthur marched toward Merlin and gripped his bicep through the thin material of his shirt. Merlin jerked his arm away, but slowly faced Arthur. “Why would I want to move on? Merlin, last night meant a great deal to me.”

Merlin bit his lip. It looked like he bit it so hard he might have drawn blood. “Right, you’ve finally fulfilled your fantasy of bedding your servant. I’m sure you’re quite happy about that.” As soon as he said it, Merlin winced. He at least looked like he regretted what he had said. His mouth opened to speak, but he closed it quickly without saying anything.

Arthur’s expression hardened. He took a step closer to Merlin and Merlin stepped back. “Why would you say something so cruel. It’s not like you.

Merlin wiped a hand down his face and finally looked Arthur in the eye. “I’m not being cruel. I’m being realistic.” He waved his hand between the two of them. “What exactly do you think is going to happen here? We continue to sleep together until you cast me aside when you need to get married?”

It hurt, but as much as he didn’t want to admit it, there was truth to what Merlin was saying but Arthur shook his head anyway. “It wouldn’t be like that.”

“Of course it would. They wouldn’t let you be with a beautiful woman like Gwen just because she was a servant. Do you really think that they would let you be with your _male_ servant? What about the heir you’ll need to produce? I can do a lot Arthur, but I can’t give you that.” 

“I-I-I…” Arthur struggled to come up with an answer that would change any of what Merlin said but there wasn’t one. Merlin was right. The reality of their situation made a future between them impossible, but he couldn’t let this go. It meant too damn much to him. “I don’t care. I want to be with you, Merlin.”

Merlin hung his head and groaned. “No, you don’t. You really don’t, Arthur. You’re going to forget about this soon enough.”

Arthur shook his head but Merlin didn’t let him get a word out.

“You’re going to go back to how it was just a few days ago and things will be like they always were. You’ll be alright.”

That was the final straw. Arthur was done listening to this. He strode forward and gripped Merlin by his shoulders. “No, I won’t! How can you expect me to forget? Merlin, this wasn’t just sex. I lo-”

Merlin ripped himself away from Arthur and held up his hands. “Don’t say it, Arthur! Please, don’t. I beg you not to say it.” Merlin closed his eyes. He took in a few gulps of air. 

After he let them out, he opened his eyes and the look in his eyes made Arthur take an involuntary step back. His normally vibrant blue eyes were vacant and expressionless. 

“It would just be embarrassing for you,” Merlin continued. “Because this...this not what I want.”

“What do you mean?” Arthur swallowed thickly. A pit was forming in his stomach and he dreaded Merlin’s next words.

“I don’t feel the same way about you.” Merlin’s voice was as hard as the look in his eyes. “I just wanted you and now that it’s happened I...don’t anymore.” 

Arthur could feel the tears streaming down his face and he choked down a sob. Normally, he would feel embarrassed being so naked with emotions but right now that didn’t matter to him. “I…” His voice cracked. “I don’t believe you.” 

“I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel.” Merlin sniffed and roughly wiped at an errant tear. “I don’t want to be with you.”

Arthur backed out of the room slowly. 

Finally, Merlin’s expression softened and he called after him. “Arthur, I-I’m sorry.”

Arthur slunk out of the room and waited until he was out of Merlin’s presence before running out of Gaius’s. He was able to compose himself once he was outside and made it to the stable without any humiliating displays, but once he got there he sunk to the ground in the muck and hay and let out quiet, shuddering sobs.

~*~

Since the potion didn’t work, Merlin was looking through as many books as he could to see if he had identified the wrong spell or messed up the potion somehow. His efforts were so far unsuccessful since he could barely see through the tears that swam in his eyes. When another tear splashed down against the weathered yellow page, Merlin growled and fisted his hands through his hair. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Arthur’s face as he fled Merlin’s room. The last time Merlin had seen that look on Arthur’s face was when Uther died. Merlin felt just as guilty now as he had then. A big difference was that this time was completely his fault. Even though this wasn’t his spell, he had handled it so poorly.

Merlin knew that he should never have given in to his desire for Arthur. If he had just held Arthur at bay maybe they both wouldn’t be feeling so lost. Making love had just made things harder - Arthur thought it meant they had a future together and Merlin now knew Arthur’s feelings went beyond lust. It didn’t change anything because they still couldn’t be together.

Though they could be together now. A part of Merlin wondered why he should deny himself this time with Arthur. He’d been suppressing his feelings for Arthur for years, but he didn’t need to now, especially since Arthur wanted him, too. They should be able to savor this time together for as long as possible. They had the rest of their lives to be miserable.

Hanging his head lower, Merlin blew out a breath. He knew why he couldn’t be with Arthur now. He couldn’t take advantage of Arthur like that. Arthur might have feelings for him but he wasn’t acting on it because he wanted to. It was a spell. He wasn’t in his right mind. Merlin didn’t want to be with Arthur like that.

Even though he was trying to do the right thing, Merlin knew that he could have handled letting Arthur down better. It killed him to hurt Arthur so badly. He never wanted to be the source of Arthur’s pain. But he failed. He failed him again. Merlin couldn’t stop hearing Arthur’s voice. The way it trembled and cracked. The tears that filled his perfect eyes. And when he thought about the determination on his face, the sincerity in his words when Arthur almost admitted that he -

As he violently shook his head, Merlin beat his fists against his forehead before he threw the book he had been looking at across the room.

“Merlin!”

Merlin whirled around in time to see Gaius march through the front door and slam it behind him. Standing up immediately, Merlin just stared at Gaius and didn’t know what to say. Gaius had been gone on some mysterious trip to help an old friend in the lower town. Merlin had thought it was some sort of medical emergency and hadn’t been expecting Gaius back so soon. Still, it was no excuse to have a tantrum and throw things. When Merlin looked over at where the book landed, he saw that the book had knocked over some glass vials. 

“I’m so sorry, Gaius. I didn’t mean to do that!” Merlin looked between the mess and then back at Gaius before rushing over and kneeling down to start cleaning it up. He wasn’t thinking at all when he started picking up the glass pieces.

“Merlin, don’t pick that up. Use the --” Gaius started as he strode over to where Merlin knelt.

“Ouch!” Merlin pricked his finger on one of the small glass shards. The pain of that cut was nothing compared to the pain of what he had done to Arthur. His face still haunted him. Without meaning to, Merlin began to weep in earnest.

Gaius gingerly picked up his hand. “You don’t seem to be bleeding too badly.” He looked at Merlin now with growing concern. “Merlin, what’s wrong?”

“I deserve this, Gaius! I deserve pain much worse than this.” He put his head in his hands and let the tears flow for another few seconds before attempting to calm down. “I have made such a mess of things, Gaius.”

Standing up, Gaius held out his hand to Merlin. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not talking about the mess on the floor?”

Merlin slowly took Gaius’s proffered hand and got up. He couldn’t meet Gaius’s eyes and looked at the floor. “I’m not,” he muttered. 

“Come, my boy and sit. Let me take a look at your wound.” He led Merlin to the wooden table by the steps.

Merlin fell heavily into the chair and made no move to give Gaius his hand when he reached for it. “It’s nothing, Gaius.”

“Let me be the judge of that.” His stern look at Merlin told him that Gaius was in no mood to be challenged so Merlin placed his hand in Gaius’s. He examined Merlin’s finger again. “It’s not too deep.” 

He got up and wet a small cloth and when he came back to the table he placed it against Merlin’s finger. After, he simply looked at Merlin and raised his eyebrow. It was time for Merlin to explain.

Merlin sighed. “While you were gone everyone in Camelot was under a spell.”

“A spell?” Gaius sat back. After a few seconds, his eyes narrowed. “Merlin, you said you made a mess of things. Please tell me you didn’t--”

“No,” Merlin cut him off. “It wasn’t my spell. I don’t know what bloody idiot created it but it wasn’t me.”

Gaius exhaled. “That’s a relief.”

“I’m glad you think so highly of me that you would think after all this time I would put a spell on the whole town,” Merlin grumbled. He wasn’t really mad at Gaius but he needed to direct his anger somewhere.

“Merlin, you know I think the world of you, but sometimes when it comes to magic, especially where Arthur is concerned, you don’t think things through all the way,” Gaius explained.

Since he couldn’t really disagree, Merlin just shrugged. He had come a long way with being far less reckless with magic than how he was when he first arrived in Camelot, but he could admit he had a few lapses in judgment here and there. “You’re right, Gaius. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He stood up and walked a few steps away and threw his head back. “This has just been so frustrating!”

“What exactly has happened?”

“Everyone in town seems to be under some sort of love spell. They’ve been confessing their love to the people they have feelings for. Two days ago, I was heading through the castle to do Arthur’s laundry and suddenly Arthur was there and he-he kissed me.” Despite everything that had happened, Merlin couldn’t help the small smile on his face. He wiped his hand across his mouth to stop. “That’s all it was for the last two days, but then last night…” He looked over at Gaius sheepishly, before turning away. “We took it a lot further.” He threw a quick glance over his shoulder.

The expression on Gaius’s face hadn’t changed. His forehead was creased and he wore a slight frown as he listened to Merlin.

“I know I shouldn’t have let it get so far but Gaius you don’t know what it’s like to be in love with someone for so long and to finally get a chance to be with them…” Merlin sighed. “I know I was weak.”

When Gaius didn’t say anything for a while, Merlin finally turned around. Gaius’s expression had softened and he had a faraway look in his eyes. He cleared his throat before he finally spoke up. “I know what you’re going through better than you think.”

It was Merlin’s turn to look confused. He took a seat in front of Gaius.

“I never told you this, Merlin but I was once engaged,” Gaius started.

Merlin gasped. After processing his initial shock, Merlin realized he shouldn’t be too surprised. There was a lot about Gaius’s past he didn’t know. An old love was probably the least shocking thing he could find out.

“It was twenty years ago. She dabbled with magic and I helped her flee before Uther could find her. It hasn’t been easy being without her. Even after all these years, I still think of her every day. In fact…” He peered at Merlin intently. “I’m sorry I’ve been keeping this from you, Merlin but the trips I’ve been making recently have been to see her.”

Merlin’s mouth fell open. “I had no idea. Gaius. That’s…” He smiled brightly. “That’s wonderful.” He wasn’t happy Gaius had kept secrets from him, but he was glad that Gaius had a chance to reconnect with someone he’d loved for so long and lost through such horrible circumstances. He reached over and squeezed Gaius’s hand.

“Thank you, Merlin.” Gaius returned his smile.

“Are you two…?” Merlin trailed off.

Gaius grinned. “We are getting to know each other once again.”

Merlin nodded. As his mind drifted back to Arthur, his smile gradually crumpled. “I hope you two can be happy together. You deserve that.” He started to pick at a spot on the table.

“Merlin, what’s wrong?”

“I just--” His voice cracked and he bit his lip. “I just know I’ll never have that chance with Arthur.”

“Why not? From what you’ve told me he clearly feels the same way about you.”

Merlin was a bit taken aback by Gaius’s encouragement. Alice must be having quite the effect on him, Merlin thought. He cocked his head to the side and frowned. “Gaius, you of all people know why it could never work with us. Arthur’s responsibilities make it impossible. That’s why…”

“Why what?” Gaius prodded.

“That’s why I broke his heart today.” Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. “I did everything I could to figure out what this spell was and to make a potion that could reverse it. I knew that after it was reversed, Arthur wouldn’t remember anything that happened these last few days. He wouldn’t remember the things he said, the things we did. I gave Arthur the potion last night but somehow it didn’t work! Arthur wanted to keep doing what we have been, but I couldn’t. This potion may not have worked, but something will. I can’t take advantage of Arthur like this. I can’t be with him and be happy knowing…”

“Knowing it’s all going to be taken away?” Gaius finished.

Merlin gave a brief nod and sagged to the floor. “What if I made a mistake, Gaus?”

Gaius stood up and walked over to Merlin. “What do you mean?”

“What if I can never break the spell?” Merlin’s breath hitched. “Arthur will remember everything, including what I said to him this morning. I know him, Gaius. He will be so angry with me. He won’t want to look at me. He certainly won’t want me to be his servant. If I’m not his servant how can I help him fulfill his great destiny?” His face contorted in horror. “He won’t want to be my friend.” Merlin put his face in his hands. His eyes began to sting and he could feel the tears coming again. “I’ve spent so many years with these feelings for Arthur and knowing he didn’t feel the same. I thought that was the worst it could get. But then this spell happened and I realized how much Arthur cared for me and yet we still couldn’t be together. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life knowing that. I thought that was the worst it could be. But if I don’t reverse this spell and Arthur remembers everything, he won’t want to be my friend. No matter what I say, he’ll never forgive me. That...I can’t live with that, Gaius. If Arthur doesn’t want me in his life...If Arthur hates me...that’s the worst thing I could imagine. I couldn’t live with that, Gaius. I just can’t.” He sobbed again.

Gaius put his arms around Merlin and let him cry for a few minutes. Then he gently grasped Merlin’s shoulders and made Merlin look at him. “I promise you, it won’t come to that. We will figure this out.” Slowly, he helped Merlin to his feet. They walked back to the table and sat. “Now, you said this was some sort of love spell?”

“Yes. I think so. Everyone in town has been compelled to express their true feelings to those they love.”

Gaius hummed. “It sounds like it’s a combination of a love spell and truth spell. And…” Suddenly, Gaius looked stricken.

Merlin’s eyes widened. “What is it, Gaius?”

“Oh, dear.” Gaius crossed his arms over his chest. “I think it’s possible I know who cast this spell.”

Merlin instantly sat up straighter. “What? How could you know who did this?”

Gaius pursed his lips. “I didn’t mention yet that Alice has a granddaughter. Her name is Fiona and she’s sixteen. Unfortunately, she has been using magic, and not always using it wisely. Alice has asked me to offer her guidance and teach Fiona how to use magic properly. Fiona has been particularly fascinated with love spells. She had feelings for someone and wanted to know how they felt about her. She’s asked a lot of questions about the different types of love spells there are. I tried to dissuade her and tell her how harmful those spells could be. I thought I had gotten through to her, but it’s possible I didn’t. It never occurred to me she was powerful enough to do a spell that could affect an entire town.”

“But it’s possible.” Merlin ran his hands through his hair.

Gaius nodded. “It is. And if she used the spell I expect she might have, she is the only one who can reverse it.”

Merlin sat in shocked silence. If this was true, leave it to Gaius to solve all his problems. If only he’d been there sooner. There was no time to waste thinking about that now. Merlin shot up from his seat. “We should go to her and get her to reverse this.”

Gaius held up his hands. “As I said, I can’t even be sure this is Fiona’s doing.”

“But if it is?” Merlin asked, shuffling from foot to foot. He was already itching to leave and get this taken care of.

“Then I will handle it,” Gaius answered.

Merlin shook his head. “Gaius, you know I love you and would trust you with anything. But after everything that has happened, I have to make sure that this spell is reversed and any lingering effects there might be after it’s reversed. I have to see this through.”

Gaius looked hesitant, but finally, he nodded. “Very well. Let’s go.”

The entire journey to Alice and Fiona’s home, Merlin was silent. He couldn’t stop thinking about how one person could have potentially changed his life so completely and all because of a silly spell. He knew Fiona was just a child, but he couldn’t help the seething resentment he felt toward her. And, Merlin was still angry at himself. He worried about what Arthur was going through right now and what would happen if they got the spell reversed.

When they arrived at their home, Merlin didn’t wait for Gaius to get off his horse before he jumped off his and marched toward the front door. Merlin barged into the house without knocking and immediately scanned the room. There seemed to be nobody home.

Soon, Merlin heard the back door open and shut firmly. A young girl bounded into the room, Fiona, Merlin presumed. She was of medium height, with long curly brown hair, and fair skin. At first, she seemed a bit nonplussed to see Merlin, but her smile returned when she spotted Gaius behind him.

“Gaius!” She put down the basket she was holding. “I’m surprised to see you back here so soon. Grandmother’s not here. She’s out picking herbs.”

“We’re not here to see, Alice,” Gaius started to explain.

‘We’re here to clean up your mess!” Merlin interjected as he strode closer to her.

Fiona’s brow furrowed. “My mess?”

Gaius walked over to Merlin and put his hand on his arm. “You don’t have to be so aggressive, Merlin!”

“I don’t really have time to hold her hand, Gaius.” Merlin turned his attention back to her. “Did you or did you not recently cast some sort of love spell?”

The confused expression on Fiona’s face soon dissolved into a guilty one. Her eyes flitted around to look at anything but Merlin and Gaius and she audibly gulped. She didn’t have to say anything after that. Gaius’s theory was confirmed.

Gaius knew it, too. “Fiona, how could you do such a foolish thing?” He admonished her. “After everything I told you.”

Fiona rushed forward toward Gaius. “I know. I’m sorry, but I had to know. I’ve had these feelings for so long and I just wanted to know if they were returned. That’s all.”

“Did you get the answer you wanted?” Merlin narrowed his eyes. 

Fiona hesitated before a brief smile formed on her lips. “Yes. I finally know they feel the same about me.”

“Well, congratulations! I hope you and this boy will be very happy together,” Merlin replied his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“It’s not a boy. It’s a girl,” Fiona whispered. “Her name is Edyth and we grew up together. She told me that she’s always been too scared to tell me how she feels.”

Hearing her make such a tender and sweet confession melted some of Merlin’s anger but when his thoughts landed on Arthur yet again his anger came roaring back. “I’m so happy that you and Edyth will have such a lovely future together. I suppose it makes up for the heartache and misery you’ve caused!”

“Merlin!” Gaius shouted.

“No, Gaius!” Merlin looked back at him briefly before whirling around to stare at Fiona. “She needs to hear this.”

Fiona frowned. “Heartache? I didn’t mean--”

“It doesn’t matter what you meant,” Merlin interrupted. “I’ve had to learn the hard way over the years that all magic has consequences and you can’t be selfish and do something like this without thinking. Gaius tried to teach you that, but you ignored him because you knew better, didn’t you?”

Fiona’s chin was trembling. 

“Merlin, that’s enough!” Gaius moved between them.

Merlin didn’t stop. “Just tell me one thing, Fiona. If this was just about how Edyth felt about you what was the point of getting all of Camelot sucked into your little spell?”

Fiona wiped at her eyes. “I was trying to do something good.”

“Something good?” Merlin repeated incredulously.

“Merlin, let her finish!” Gaius said.

Fiona walked around Gaius and Merlin and stood by a small window. “After I did the spell with Edyth, we were both so happy. I knew that it wasn’t going to last but it was just nice to know that I wasn’t crazy or imagining things.” She exhaled. “After my mum and dad died I spent so much time feeling so unlucky and unloveable. I know that my grandmother loves me, but it’s not the same. Knowing that Edyth loves me…” Fiona laughed. “It’s been the best feeling. It’s like a weight I’ve been carrying around for years was finally lifted. And I just...I just wanted everyone else to feel how I was feeling so I did the spell for all of Camelot, too. I wasn’t trying to make people fall in love. It was so that people could finally let go and tell the people they loved everything they were feeling, so as many people as possible could know the joy having their love returned, even if it only lasted for a moment. I thought it had to be a good thing.” She turned and looked at Merlin with sorrow in her eyes. “I didn’t stop to think about what would happen if someone was rejected. I didn’t think about the pain it could cause.” She gestured toward Merlin. “I can see you’re in pain and I’m so very sorry for that.”

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. How many times in one day could he feel like the biggest prat in the world? She was just a kid and hadn’t meant any harm and Merlin had unloaded on her because of something that really had nothing to do with her. He took a few tentative steps closer to Fiona. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. What happened between me and the man I love has nothing to do with you.”

Fiona wrung her hands. “But it’s because of my spell.”

“Your spell didn’t create the reasons we can’t be together.” A small grin spread over Merlin’s face. “And for what it’s worth despite things not working out, there is a part of me that is happy knowing that he loves me, too.”

Fiona smiled brightly. “Really?”

Merlin nodded. “Yes,” he sighed. “And I know what’s it like to be new to magic and have all of these ideas of how you can use it for good; how you can help people. I’ve been stubborn and made my share of mistakes. This is just one of yours. But, thankfully, like I did, you have an excellent source of guidance in Gaius. You’ll probably make more mistakes but maybe not as many with him by your side.” Merlin turned and smiled at Gaius.

Gaius returned his smile and stepped forward to give Merlin a brief hug. He turned to Fiona. “Now, I think it’s time to undo that spell.”

Fiona stepped forward quickly. “Of course. I’ll do that now and by tomorrow morning everything should be as it was before. I’ll just get the spell book I used.” She started to walk towards the right corner of the cottage where Merlin presumed her room was.

“Wait,” Merlin called out. “When you lifted the spell on Edyth, she didn’t remember anything?”

Fiona shook her head with a frown. “No. But I plan on telling her how I feel anyway. I hope that even without the spell she can be brave enough to admit what she feels for me. I think there might be a future for us. At least I hope so.”

Merlin smiled. He was genuinely glad for her. “I hope it works out. I just want to be sure of something, once the spell is reversed everyone under this spell will forget what they did while they were under it?”

Fiona shrugged. “That’s usually how it works.”

Merlin’s eyebrows raised at her use of the word “usually.” “What do you mean “usually?”

“Well, I read that in most cases everyone forgets what happened but sometimes people don’t. It just depends on how strong the love is between two people. But it’s very rare. I think the people don’t forget have a bond like soulmates or something like that.” She cocked her head to the side. “I’m not really sure if soulmates exist, really. So I don’t think it’s anything anyone in Camelot has to be concerned about.” Fiona looked at Merlin expectantly, but when he didn’t say anything she went to her room.

Merlin just stared after her without blinking. What if he and Arthur...He shook his head. Fiona was right. Soulmates don’t really exist...do they? Merlin turned to Gaius. 

Gaius put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Is something the matter?”

Merlin wasn’t sure what to say. On the one hand, if Arthur remembered everything Merlin was sure he wouldn’t forgive Merlin but if he did remember…”What if Arthur and I are soulmates, Gaius?” Merlin wasn’t sure whether to be thrilled or terrified.

 

~*~

 

Arthur stood in front of the window staring blankly outside. He’d been going through the motions all day like he was in a fog. Since his confrontation with Merlin in the morning, he hadn’t seen his wayward servant. After how they had left things, Arthur wasn’t sure whether to be happy about that or not.

Normally, if someone had said the things Merlin had said to him Arthur would have wanted nothing more to do with him. He had his pride and wouldn’t want to see that person every day and feel so weak and small, but with Merlin...Arthur just couldn’t stop wanting to see him, to be near him, even though Merlin didn’t share his feelings. Better to have some of him, than none. 

Arthur groaned. “Cripes, I’m pathetic!”

“What?”

Arthur whirled around. Gwen was standing in the middle of the room looking at him with a bewildered expression. “I didn’t see you come in, Guinevere.”

“I know.” Gwen grinned. “I was trying to get your attention for a minute or so but you seemed so lost in thought until you said something about being...pathetic?”

Arthur had a feeling that his face was starting to redden. He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. Finally, he decided he might as well be truthful with her. “I was talking about me.”

Gwen’s head snapped back. “You? Arthur, you are many things but pathetic isn’t one of them.”

Arthur smiled. Gwen’s sweet nature was one of the things he loved the most about her. “Thank you for saying that, but today it’s true.” 

He looked thoughtfully at Gwen as he chewed on his bottom lip. There was something he wanted to ask her, but he knew that it was insensitive. But he was desperate so he decided to as her anyway.

Arthur stepped away from the window and walked over to her. “Gwen, how…” He blew out a breath. “How did you fall out of love with Lancelot?”

Blinking up at him, Gwen didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then, for the second time that day, someone Arthur cared about did something he was completely not expecting - Gwen snorted as she let out a quick burst of laughter.

Arthur’s eyes widened and Gwen covered her mouth. She held out her hand. “Oh, Arthur I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that you just really caught me off guard. It’s so odd you would ask me that given what I came here to tell you.” Gwen averted her eyes to the floor.

With her being unable to meet his eyes and the way she was twisting her hands, Arthur could tell she was nervous and started to get a bit concerned. “What do you want to tell me?”

Gwen bit her thumbnail briefly before starting to speak again. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve been avoiding you the last couple of days.”

It wasn’t until she had mentioned it that Arthur realized he hadn’t noticed how little he’d seen of her. He was too swept up being with Merlin and he started to feel guilty that he hadn’t noticed. He didn’t say anything and Gwen went on.

“Suddenly - well I suppose not really suddenly since I have thought about this from time to time over the years. I’ve been able to put away my feelings for so long, but in the last two days, it seems like my feelings for Lancelot came rushing back all at once. Every thought has been about him. I’ve tried to shut my eyes and see anything else, but it’s been of little use. I’ve just wanted…”

“To be with him?” Arthur finished for her. There was no anger behind his words, especially considering what he’d been up to the last two days.

Gwen nodded. “Apparently, I wasn’t the only one feeling like this. Lancelot came to me last night and confessed his love. He apologized for leaving and promised he would spend the rest of his life making up for it if I just gave him another chance. Then he kissed me. It was the most romantic moment of my life.” She looked down and blushed. “And I know I shouldn’t say that to you. I know.”

Arthur was about to tell her that she had no reason to feel guilty but Gwen barrelled on.

“What I felt for you Arthur was real. I did love you and I know we haven’t made any promises to each other and we’re not really together but I felt so guilty and I told Lancelot I had to talk to you about this first before I gave him an answer or we went any further.”

Now it was Arthur’s turn to avoid her gaze. He felt extremely remorseful. Gwen was right that their relationship had always been complicated, especially lately. They hadn’t made promises to each other, but Arthur still felt horrible that he didn’t give her the same courtesy that she had given him. Gwen waited to talk to him about her feelings for Lancelot. Arthur hadn’t even considered hers when sleeping with Merlin. Gwen had such a capacity for guilt and Arthur wanted to assuage those feelings now.

He reached out and took her hands in his. “Gwen, I promise you have nothing to feel guilty for. I thank you for considering my feelings. I just want you to know I understand exactly what you’re going through because I...I’ve been dealing with this same thing.”

Gwen blinked up at him. “You have?”

“Yes.” Arthur nodded. “I’m in love with someone else.” He walked back to the window. “And what you said about us is true. What we had, what I felt for you was real, but I had feelings for this person before you and they never truly went away. For the last few days, I can’t deny them anymore. I didn’t want to.”

Gwen ran a hand through her hair. “I never thought I would be happy to hear you say you’re in love with someone else.” A slight chuckle escaped her lips. “But I am happy now.” She paused. “It’s Merlin, isn’t it?”

Arthur spun around. “H-how did you know that?”

Gwen grinned. “I’ve always known Merlin is in love with you. I could see it just from the way he looks at you. The way he talks about you.”

Arthur scoffed. “Are you referring to how he’s always calling me things like a ‘prat’ and ‘condescending’ and is always telling me how wrong I am?”

“He challenges you because he wants you to be better - _knows_ that you can be. He believes in you and he does respect you,” Gwen explained.

“But he doesn’t love me.” Arthur tried to keep the tremor out of his voice, but at the look of pity on Gwen’s face, he could tell he was unsuccessful.

“I know that can’t be true,” Gwen insisted.

Arthur smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’re very sweet, Guinevere but I know it’s true because Merlin told me himself.”

Gwen’s mouth dropped. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Arthur shrugged. “I didn’t think it was true either but he told me quite forcefully. The last few days, I thought he felt the same way as me. We kissed and last night he kissed me with such enthusiasm and then we--” Arthur clamped his mouth shut. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Gwen went to him and put her arm around him. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not.” Arthur shook his head. “You waited for me for so long and you even waited for me last night and I couldn’t do the same for you.”

“You and I are different people, Arthur. We always have been. I know what you and Merlin have is special.”

Arthur squeezed his eyes when she said that.

“I understand how you got carried away and weren’t thinking. It’s really okay, Arthur.”

Arthur rubbed his hand across his forehead. “It’s really not. I can’t do this anymore - live with these feelings. That’s why I asked you how you stopped loving Lancelot because I don’t want to feel like this about Merlin anymore. Even after he told me he doesn’t feel the same way, I can’t stop thinking about him. Perhaps the best thing I could do would be to sack him.”

“Sack him?!” Gwen took a step back. “Arthur, you can’t do that!”

“Why not? It’s for the good of everyone. How can I properly look after Camelot when I can barely think about anything else when Merlin is around me?” 

“You’ve done it before.”

“Well, it’s not working now!” Arthur shouted. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to take this out on you. It’s just I have to do something. My stomach is twisted into a knot and I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“Arthur.” Gwen held his face in her hands. “I know this is difficult and I know what I’m going to ask you to do will be difficult, but you need to be patient.”

Arthur started to protest, but glared at him and shook her head once and he stopped.

“I said I know it will be difficult for you, but you have to try. You have to trust in yourself and in Merlin and the love you have for each other. I don’t know what happened between you or what exactly Merlin said or why, but I know Merlin. I know he would never want to hurt you for anything in the world. There has to be a reason for why he did what he did. I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

It was good advice, Arthur knew that. He just didn’t know if he had it in him to follow it.

“Lancelot hurt me terribly when he left years ago and I didn’t know if I could really forgive him. But he explained why he did it and why he knew it was a mistake and I knew he never purposefully meant to hurt me. He was trying to protect me as best he could. I hated what he did, but couldn’t hate why he did it. I trust that he loves me and he won’t do it again.” Gwen let her hands slip from Arthur’s face. “Can you try and give Merlin the benefit of the doubt?”

Arthur sighed and gazed down at the floor. “I’ll try.”

“Just don’t do anything you’ll regret,” Gwen added.

“I promise.” Arthur smiled. He pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, Guinevere, for being so understanding.” He leaned back and trailed his fingers lightly through her hair. “I truly hope you and Lance can be happy.”

Gwen squeezed his hand. “I hope the same for you...and for Merlin.” She squeezed his hand once more before she backed away and then stepped out the door giving him one last smile.

After she left, Arthur sat down at his desk. He promised Gwen he wouldn’t do anything rash and he wouldn’t, but he couldn’t share in Gwen’s optimism over his and Merlin’s future.

 

~*~

 

Merlin had never been so nervous to go to work in the morning. His stomach rumbled and he shook the entire time he got dressed. Gaius tried to offer him breakfast, but Merlin knew he couldn’t keep anything down.

Despite his nerves, he rushed over to the castle, but with every step closer to Arthur’s chamber his movements slowed and he felt like his feet were trying to make it through thick mud. He hadn’t seen Arthur since their horrible talk yesterday morning. Merlin thought it best to wait and see what transpired in the morning not knowing whether to hope Fiona’s spell reversal worked or not.

Besides worrying about Arthur’s reaction to him, Merlin wasn’t sure how to subtly figure out if the spell worked and if Arthur still had his memories intact. When he got to Arthur’s door, Merlin paused. He stared at the door and felt like he was waiting to open the door and face his executioner. Arthur absolutely had the power to effectively end his life even if he didn’t physically kill him.

When he finally worked up the courage to open the door, he almost walked right into George as he was preparing to leave Arthur’s chambers. “George?” Merlin muttered in surprise.

“Good morning, Merlin. You’ve finally arrived for work...although it would have been better if you had arrived promptly. I suppose it’s better late than never,” George said as he looked Merlin up and down with a haughty expression.

Ignoring George’s gibe, Merlin stepped into the room and his eyes immediately landed on Arthur. He was dressed in a white shirt and his blonde hair looked especially golden that morning with the sunshine from the open window beaming down on him. Arthur looked up briefly and when he spotted Merlin his spine stiffened and he looked back down at the papers on his desk.

“I’ll be leaving, unless you need anything else, sire,” George announced to Arthur.

“No, that’ll be all. Thank you, George,” Arthur said without looking up at George or Merlin.

Merlin glanced at George. He was back to being all business and his expression wasn’t soft like it had been for the last few days when he looked at Arthur. Surreptitiously glancing down to George’s crotch, Merlin was relieved to not spot any evidence of arousal.

George started to leave and Merlin stopped him in the doorway. “George thank you for taking care of Arthur while I was attending to other matters. You must really enjoy working for him.” 

“Of course. Arthur is a great king and it is the greatest honor to serve him in any capacity,” George answered holding his head high.

Merlin watched him and tried to gauge whether he could still see any signs of romantic feelings or attraction on George’s part. Merlin leaned in closer to George. “He’s very pleasant to look at as well, wouldn’t you say?”

George’s eyes widened. His cheeks reddened. “I beg your pardon. I would never dare say such a thing.”

Merlin nodded slowly. “So you don’t have any feelings for Arthur?”

George sputtered. “My only feelings for our king is respect and pride that he will be leading Camelot into a great future.”

Despite not being fond of George, Merlin smiled at his answer. He held up his hands. “Right. Sorry. Just one more question, do you remember saying anything embarrassing to Arthur over the last few days?”

George seemed to spit out an insult before stopping suddenly. “I don’t quite remember what I may have said to Arthur recently. My memory seems a bit muddled.” He pursed his lips.

Merlin patted George’s arm. “It’s no worry. I’m sure it’ll come back eventually. Sorry if I embarrassed you.”

George smoothed his hands down his jacket. “I think the only one embarrassed here is you, Merlin. Good day!” He turned stiffly and made a quick exit. 

Merlin shut the door behind him. He sighed feeling a bit relieved. It seemed that the spell at least had been successfully reversed. But now, Merlin still needed to figure out if Arthur remembered anything. 

Since George had been there that morning, and Arthur was dressed and a plentiful breakfast laid out on the table, Merlin wasn’t sure what else he could do. He awkwardly walked a few steps around the room before going to the table and just looking at the veritable feast George had prepared for Arthur.

“I see George was here this morning,” Merlin said without looking up. “I suppose he was attending to you last night as well.”

“Nothing gets by you, Merlin,” Arthur huffed. 

There was a note of bitterness in Arthur’s voice, but it wasn’t very different from how he had usually been with Merlin in the mornings. While Merlin tried to come up with something else to say, Arthur finally looked up from his desk. He stared forward but seemed to be looking at everything he could but Merlin.

“I think that it might be a good idea if George remained in my service for the time being.”

Merlin swallowed thickly. This seemed like something Arthur would suggest if he still had his memories, though it’s not the first time he’s suggested George as a replacement but the times previously was more of a joke. With the grim line of Arthur’s mouth, the dead look in his eyes, and his stiff posture Merlin knew Arthur was quite serious this time. “Sire, I don’t see why that would be necessary.”

Arthur let out a harsh laugh. “Apparently you don’t remember what happened yesterday or the day before that or the day before that.” Arthur slowly stood up and walked around his desk. He hugged his arms around him. “I wish I could forget so easily. I wish I could forget what a fool I made of myself.”

There was such despair and shame and hurt filling Arthur’s voice and Merlin hated that he did that. He took a tentative step closer. “So you remember?” He whispered.

Arthur finally looked him in the eye. “Of course I do. I remember everything, Merlin. I remember waking up a few mornings ago and wanting you desperately, which wasn’t different than how I’ve felt for months but I suddenly felt compelled to act on it. I remember finding you and kissing you. I remember my delight when you finally kissed me back.” His gaze slowly turned to his bed. “I remember making love there. I remember falling asleep that night knowing that being in your arms was how I wanted to spend every night for the rest of my life.”

Merlin covered his mouth and stifled a sob.

“I remember you telling me the next morning it was a mistake. I remember feeling like someone was ripping out my heart piece by piece.” Arthur stepped closer and closer to Merlin as he finished. “Above all Merlin, I remember how much I love you.”

Finally hearing the actual words out loud was too much for Merlin. Tears streamed down his face. He tried to wipe at them but it was no use. “Arthur…” 

Arthur held up his hand and gave a slow shake of his head. “It’s not your fault that you don’t feel the same, but I can’t be around you right now. It’s too painful. I’m not trying to punish you. I just need some time.”

It was a more than reasonable request. It was much more than Merlin had been expecting. He wanted to give Arthur what he was asking for, but he couldn’t leave things the way they were. Merlin didn’t know if Arthur and he were actual soulmates, but the fact that Arthur remembered everything showed that the love they shared was strong. It deserved the best chance Merlin could give it.

Arthur deserved to know the truth about everything, including Merlin’s magic. He needed to know how Merlin really felt about him.

Merlin strode closer to Arthur. Close enough that he could reach out and touch his face if he wanted. And he wanted to so badly, but it wasn’t the time for that yet. “Arthur, I will respect your wishes. I promise. But I need to tell you the truth and I need for you to trust me. Can you please trust me?”

Arthur stared at him with a dubious expression but finally nodded.

Merlin let out a deep breath. “Arthur, you’ve been under a spell the last few days.”

Arthur’s brow furrowed. “A spell? What are you talking about?”

“All of Camelot was under a type of love spell. It compelled you to express your feelings to those you love,” Merlin explained. “You said yourself that you suddenly felt compelled to act on your feelings for me.”

Taking a step back, Arthur glanced at the ceiling. “I did. Gwen did say something similar and Lancelot suddenly confessed his feelings for her as well.”

“Lancelot finally told her?” Merlin couldn’t help smiling, but when he looked at Arthur his smile fell. “Sorry.”

Arthur shrugged. “It’s fine. She’s where she belongs.”

It was nice seeing Arthur being so accepting of that. Merlin shook his head and moved on. “Gaius figured out what the spell was and who cast it and we got them to reverse the spell last night.”

“Who cast the spell?” Arthur’s hands were clenched at his side.

Merlin was sure Arthur wouldn’t hurt a young girl, but he hesitated. “Arthur, this person didn’t mean any harm. They thought they were doing a good thing, spreading love throughout the kingdom. They didn’t mean any harm and they know better now.”

Arthur’s hands unclenched and he seemed to relax and accept that answer...for now. “I suppose not to much harm was done.”

Merlin made a point of meeting Arthur’s eyes. “I wouldn’t say that.”

After sharing an intense gaze, Arthur looked down at the floor. “So everything I did the past few days was because of the spell?”

“Yes...and no,” Merlin answered. “You were under a spell but it didn’t make you feel the things you felt. But you were under a spell and I knew that and didn’t want to take advantage.”

Arthur moved closer to him. “So you pushed me away?”

Merlin closed his eyes and sighed. “Yes. Everything I said about how difficult it would be for things to work out between us was true. But I lied about how I felt about you. Arthur...Arthur, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Arthur just stared at him with watery eyes. His breathing had quickened.

“I’m so sorry for what I said to you. I never wanted to hurt you. I was just trying to protect you, but I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me for that...and what I have to tell you next.” He took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe he was about to tell Arthur about his magic after so many years. 

Before he could say anything else, Arthur walked up to him, standing toe to toe and put a finger on Merlin’s lips. Merlin felt paralyzed and was completely sucked in by the warmth in Arthur’s eyes.

“Merlin, stop talking, please.”

Merlin’s eyebrows quirked up at the “please.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t forgive you. I know years ago, I wouldn’t have but I’ve changed. You changed me. I believe in you and I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life. I trust that you love me and I trust that you would never hurt me on purpose. I forgive you.” Arthur slid his thumb off Merlin’s lip, slowly letting it trace Merlin’s bottom lip before he slid it all the way down Merlin’s neck stopping at Merlin’s pulse point. He stroked the soft skin there and Merlin whimpered.

“Arthur, I still need to tell you--”

“Shh, Merlin,” Arthur hushed him. He moved in closer to Merlin’s mouth. “Later.” He finally captured Merlin’s lips in a soft kiss.

Merlin molded himself into Arthur’s body and gave into the kiss and to his feelings for Arthur. It wasn’t their first kiss, but it felt like it to Merlin. It was the first time he kissed him and didn’t worry about what would happen next or wonder what Arthur felt for him. Even though he still had one huge secret left to tell Arthur, Merlin felt truly free for the first time in ages. He cupped Arthur’s face and let his thumbs caress Arthur’s cheeks.

As they finally pulled apart, Merlin’s eyes remained closed. He felt if Arthur wasn’t holding on to him so tightly he would melt into the floor. When he slowly opened his eyes, Merlin still felt dizzy and he had to blink to get his eyes to focus. After they finally did he was rewarded with the sight of Arthur wearing the most beautiful, lovesick smile on his face.

The fog of the kiss started to lift and some of Merlin’s worries came back. “Arthur, we still have so much to talk about.”

Arthur started to nibble his way down his neck. “Do we?” He muttered.

“Yes.” Merlin sighed. “Everything I said before about your responsibilities...You still need to produce an heir.”

“I’m trying to do that right now.” Arthur tugged at the bottom of Merlin’s shirt.

Merlin pulled away as he laughed. “Despite your many statements to the contrary, I’m not a girl, Arthur. I can’t help you do that.”

“Not the old-fashioned way but there are a lot of children out there. We can steal an heir.” Arthur’s eyes danced with mirth.

Merlin couldn’t help laughing loudly. “Arthur! I’m trying to be serious.”

“And I’m trying to get you blissfully naked.” Arthur grinned. His grin faltered slightly and he gently gripped Merlin’s shoulders. “Merlin, I don’t care about an heir. I know that I want to be with you and that’s the only way I’ll ever be happy. I think it’s best for Camelot to have a happy king. We’ll figure something out. I know we will. I trust in our love to get us through anything. Can you?”

Merlin ran his hands through Arthur’s hair and stared into his eyes. “I can.”

A wondrous smile slowly spread over Arthur’s face. He reached down and fumbled with the laces on Merlin’s trousers.

Merlin stopped his hands. “Arthur, wait. Go slow, please? I want to remember this always.”

Arthur kissed him again. “I promise you will,” he said into Merlin’s open mouth. Arthur led Merlin to the bed as he placed an open-mouthed kiss on Merlin’s panting lips.

Always a man of his word, Arthur kept that promise to Merlin. That night was a memory Merlin would never forget along with every other day in their long and happy life together.


End file.
